This is a post I have wanted to write for quite a while, as I think it is an interesting topic: why do heterosexual men, who are attracted to trans women, seem to prefer trans women with their male genitalia “intact” (i.e. non-op)? This seems to be a highly controversial and heated topic between trans women and the men attracted to them. In this post I would like to offer some insight into why, from my own perspective, men tend to prefer non-op trans women (i.e. trans women who plan to retain their male genitalia). I believe I can clarify a few things to hopefully help both parties understand each other better.
As I mentioned in my previous article I believe that the appeal of trans women to heterosexual males can be understood with a simple phrase:
women that are not female
Trans women are highly feminine biological males. They are in essence “women that are not female.” They are the other feminine option. While their femininity is a requirement for heterosexual males to find them attractive, it is actually their lack of femaleness that is the key to their appeal (and also their advantage in the dating market):
feminine not female
Objectively, whether a trans woman appreciates this “advantage” or not, this is their advantage in the dating market: this is is what trans women can provide that cis women cannot.
Where the conflict seems to arise, is specifically for trans women who are uncomfortable with the “male aspects” of their person (i.e. gender dysphoria). These trans women often decide to undergo sex-reassignment surgery, out of necessity to deal with their dysphoria, but in creating an artificial vagina they are now becoming more female (not necessarily more feminine).
As I have mentioned previously, this may actually undermine their appeal to the average heterosexual male interested in pursuing them sexually/romantically. Certainly there will be heterosexual males who will be interested in post-op trans women (i.e. trans women who have had sex-reassignment surgery), I have no doubt about that. But I suspect these post-op trans women will experience a smaller dating pool compared to what pre-op or non-op will experience. And why? Because both pre-op and non-op are “less female” (while still being highly feminine) than post-op, making them more appealing and unique in the dating market.
To be clear, I am not advocating for or against sex-reassignment surgery for trans women. I am simply attempting to clarify motivations of the heterosexual males (myself included) that prefer non-op trans women. I am advocating serious reflection on the choice of sex-reassignment surgery for trans women who are serious about dating heterosexual men because I strongly suspect it will decrease their dating options.
While I do understand that there are many trans women who will choose to have sex-reassignment surgery, they must be prepared for the reality: they may have less dating/romantic options. As long as they are comfortable with this reality, then there are no issues. But if they have any interest in dating heterosexual men they need to strongly consider whether this is the correct choice for them.